The Big Day

Disclaimer: I am slightly drugged. Read at your own risk. By the way, this is Tracy not Pat!

Yesterday is a blur that I reconstructed slowly throughout today. We went to our scheduled doctor's appointment. I knew going in that if my blood pressure was higher than last week the doctor would want to induce. I was very conflicted about induction as I wanted to go as natural as possible with as few interventions as possible. The night before I prayed that if induction was the right choice I would have a clear indication of that. My BP was indeed high , and my high BP symptoms were worse than normal, so the doctor said to go to the hospital for a slow induction. I was anticipating our baby would arrive in about 24 hours.

We went home to gather the "survival" supplies. I ate something small as I had not eaten that day.

We arrived at the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors. The baby's heart rate was very high. This baby was monitored very closely throughout the entire pregnancy and this is the first time EVER he exhibited a problem. I had a low-grade fever and was dehydrated. I received fluids and we waited for the heart rate to come down. The doctor would not start induction with his elevated heart rate. At one point, they put oxygen on me to increase the amount of oxygen the baby was getting. That was when I started to realize things were not likely to go as planned.

The nurse came to talk to us after trying everything for an hour and a half to get his heart rate down. She said "you are going to have a c-section." She did not ask. Pat did a great job of asking the nurse questions. He had always been on board with my desire to do everything natural. C-section is the opposite of that! It was clear that this was not a choice, though. I just said, "OK get the baby out." I asked the nurse about how long things would take and she surprised me by saying the team is already assembled, we are going to get you ready, Pat in some scrubs and this is all going to happen within a half hour. I was shaking pretty badly. I asked everyone to leave Pat and I alone for just one minute. We took only a few seconds to give each other reassurance that all was going to be OK.

The hospital staff was amazing. I could not ask for better nurses and doctors. I never really imagined things were going to happen this way. They did the spinal, strapped me down to a table, put up the screen and let Pat in. It must have been overwhelming to see a roomful of doctors and your wife strapped to a table. Well, the next thing I know our screaming son arrived . I asked Pat to go stand with him and he did while they cleaned him up. I strained my neck to get a glimpse while the lovely anesthesiologist wiped my mascara stained face....who wears full make-up to surgery?

Pat went with the baby and I think at this point they gave me more drugs. Everything is fuzzy. I was in the recovery room with one nurse. I was on the gurney and she was sitting at the desk. I noticed the ugly green tile on the walls and then started to become extremely distraught that I was missing out on my son's first hour of life. Just then, with movie-like timing, I heard Pat rolling the baby into the room. It totally freaked out the nurse. Apparently, it is against policy and she was just not quite sure what to do. My best friend Kim was in the hall and the nurse was telling her she had to stay behind the line. I was able to still hear her though. Pat brought me our beautiful son and we named him there. Today I watched the videos and looked at some of those first pictures and it saddened me that I was not there BUT I am so grateful that my husband, oblivious to policy, brought our baby to me right before I started to panic.

Sean means "God is gracious." That has been the theme of my life. I am in awe of the beautiful life I have and how things always work out.

If you made it this far, thanks. Why is important for me to recall every detail of that day for you? I don't know. It probably is not, but it certainly helps me to reflect. It helps me to understand that, in my life at least, things rarely turn out as I planned, but God is always gracious.